We all act in different ways in our relationships, and one of the biggest factors is how we attach to people. In the future, more and more resources will be available to help you learn about your own style and improve your relationships.

Seven of the best books on attachment theory have been put together to help you learn more.

First, attachment theory is all about how we connect with other people. There are four main types of attachment: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (also known as disorganized). They all have different effects on how people act and act in relationships.

An attachment theory expert tells MBG that it all comes down to a person's first relationship with their parents: the one they had with their parents when they were a little child. Formative relationships are very important to people's lives, and they show up in adulthood as their attachment style.

Why it's important to know about attachment styles.

Learning about your own attachment style and the attachment styles of the people in your life can help you better understand yourself, bridge gaps in your relationships, and understand each other better.

As Birkel says, "It starts to help people move away from blame and judgment and toward understanding that their partner is just a very different person than them." A lot of the time, he asks his clients how their early family dynamics shaped them and how they bring that into their relationships now.

If you're a parent, knowing how the four different attachment styles come to be can help you make sure your child has a healthy attachment style.

books on attachment theory:

The therapist's guide: Attachment Theory in Practice

Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) With Individuals, Couple, and Family is the first book on the list. It was written by a well-known attachment theory expert and a psychologist, Susan Johnson. In this book, Birkel talks about how attachment theory can be used to help people in therapy, and it talks about how that can help people.

Putting Attachment Theory into practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families by Dr. John Gottman In this case, Susan M. Johnson paid $33 for it.

The reader favorite: The Power of Attachment

People who want to learn how to build strong and lasting relationships should read The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships. This book helps people think about their early years, their traumas, and how those things are still affecting them today. Poole Heller is another well-known attachment theory expert. This book has an average rating of 4.8 out of 5 stars, which means that people have gotten something out of it.

The Power of Attachment: How to Build Deep and Lasting Relationships by Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D., costs $16.13.

The interactive one: The Attachment Theory Workbook

Check out The Attachment Theory Workbook: Powerful Tools To Help You Better Understand, Increase Stability, and Build Lasting Relationships if you want a more hands-on way to learn about attachment theory and build strong relationships. Birkel has another suggestion for you, and this one is full of useful, actionable ideas for how you can put your new knowledge of attachment theory to use.

The Attachment Theory Workbook: Powerful Tools to Improve Understanding, Strengthen Stability, and Build Lasting Relationships by Annie Chen, LMFT, $13.79, is a book about attachment theory.

For couples: Wired for Love

Learn about each other in Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Strong relationship. Make rituals that will strengthen your relationship. In this book, you'll learn about how love works on the brain, attachment theory, and emotion regulation. You'll also learn how to improve your relationship with your partner and understand each other on a deeper level.

For $17.95, Stan Tatkin has written Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse and Build a Secure Relationship.

For couples: Wired for Love

A polyamorous or ethically non-monogamy relationship may make it more important for you to know your own and your partner's attachment style. In Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy, Jessica Fern, a psychotherapist, explains how to work toward a secure attachment when you have a lot of different relationships.

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern, M.S., costs $15.31 at the library.

The critically acclaimed one: Attached

How can attachment theory help you find and keep love? A psychiatrist and a neuroscientist explain it in their book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love. They show you how to figure out which type of attachment you have, and how to work with it. A book on dating that was written a decade ago still has people in its clutches, the New York Times says. This one is the one.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A., costs $12.68. It's written by these two people:

For coping with trauma: Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy With Trauma Survivors

Last but not least, we have another book by Susan M. Johnson, a well-known expert in attachment theory. Birkel thinks this book is great for anything to do with attachment. This is actually a book for therapists to use in couples therapy with people who have been traumatized. Non-therapists say they still learned something from the book on their own.

It's called Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy With Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds by Susan M. Johnson, and it costs $32.

The bottom line.

In the end, there are always ways to improve our relationships and get to know each other better. The first thing you should do if you want to improve your relationships, from romantic relationships to friendships and even parenting your kids, is learn about your own attachment style and the attachment styles of the people you care about.

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