8 Best Books About Marriage Update 05/2022

Marriage therapists make the most of the time they have with clients who are trying to work through some big problems: communication problems, sexual dry spells, emotional labor that falls on one spouse. There are a lot of things that a couple needs to do even after they finish their sessions. Often, therapists ask their clients to read books that could help them better understand their long-term marital problems.

Therapists across the country were asked by HuffPost to share the books they recommend the most, or that they read again and again in their own relationships, and they did so. Look down below for what they say to do.

“The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm

“This is a timeless book that still has a lot to say to couples.” You should read this book every few years or so to remember that true love is an art that takes knowledge and effort. A lot of what this book is about is learning how to love more. It also talks about the difference between falling in love and being in love for the long run. Love is not easy. You need to practice it every day, with a lot of concentration and patience. It’s like any other art. People who read this small book will be inspired to look at their relationships in a new way. She is a marriage and family therapist and the author of “A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage: The Essentials for Long-Lasting Togetherness.” Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill is a good person.

“Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence” by Esther Perel

“My favorite lesson from this book is about how space makes for intimacy and growth in your relationship. I always tell my clients this. Too much togetherness makes a relationship less curious, which makes it less likely to thrive and grow. In the end, space brings closeness and intimacy. It’s important for couples to spend time apart not only for personal growth, but also to keep a healthy amount of independence in their relationship. He said that when intimacy turns into a “fusion,” it’s not the lack of closeness but the amount of closeness that stops us from wanting more. Our need for togetherness and our need for separateness are both important to us. The paradox of intimacy and sex is that you have to be separate before you can connect with someone. Love it! When she writes, I like that she is honest. When she sees it, she agrees with me She has talked to a lot of couples and is really good at what she does.” — When Kristin M. Davin, a therapist in New York City, read this, she thought it was very interesting.

“Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller

Every couple I work with, as well as many individual clients, should read the book “Attached.” It’s my strong belief that people who are either too anxious or too aloof are at the root of most relationship problems, especially those that have been going on for a long time. What therapists see a lot is one person with abandonment issues in a relationship with someone who needs a lot of distance. This usually leads to a lot of chaos and drama that both people are unhappy about. Attachment theory is a complicated subject, but the authors make it easy for the reader to use it in their own lives. Because they show people how to change their insecure attachment style, I also love that they give people actionable tools to do so. Conventional wisdom says that people who are nervous about a relationship should play games that are hard to get at the start of the relationship, but the authors say that this will only attract someone who doesn’t like being close to people. Instead, they say that people with abandonment issues should be honest about wanting a long-term relationship; this will help them find people who are ready for a safe, healthy relationship. The author of “Transcending High-Conflict Divorce” is Virginia Gilbert, who is a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles and works with people who are going through divorce.

“Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly

“There were many times when I felt hopeless about my work, my relationships with others, and my marriage. This book helped me see that there is a way out of all of these things. In my office, I sometimes thought, “I don’t know what to say to you.” If you want to divorce, I think you should do that. In the same way that the couple felt hopeless, I felt hopeless as well, And then I found the book “Getting the Love You Want.” And it made sense: why couples get together, what they want in a partner, why they fight, and that we are all drawn to someone who isn’t right for us: this is true for all of us. But now I know why. We will always be drawn to someone who can help us heal from our childhood wounds. This book helped me understand it. The reason why I chose my spouse and how we fought was clear to me as a therapist and as someone who was in a relationship. I also knew how to heal and grow from those arguments. This book helped me become a better therapist and a better person, so I’m glad I read it.” Get the sex you want: Tammy Nelson, a sex and relationship therapist and the author of “Getting the Sex You Want,” says this.

“Make Love Last A Lifetime” by Barbara De Angelis

“This is still my favorite thing to make. I’ve used exercises from this book with my clients for more than 25 years, and they still work as well today as they did when the book was written. For couples who want to get back together and for singles who want to find the love of their lives, this is a great book. This book is great for both men and women. It gives simple, step-by-step ways that couples can use right away to give and get the love they want and need. I think it’s great.” Her name is Sheri Meyers, a marriage and family therapist in LA.

“The New Rules of Marriage” by Terrence Real

“Great for couples who are in love with each other and want to break through the gridlock and disappointment in their relationships, this is a great book to read. Real doesn’t use a lot of words, and he gets to the heart of why some couples get stuck in bad habits and negativity. He helps both people see that they are both to blame for why the relationship isn’t working out. Is this what you want? To be right or get married? Besides, he doesn’t just point out the bad things. He also points out what he calls “winning strategies” as he leads his readers to take actionable steps that will improve their relationship.” Linda Lipshutz, who is a marriage and family therapist in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, says this:

 “The ADHD Effect on Marriage” by Melissa Orlov

“So many people who are married to people with ADHD don’t know how to deal with it. For people who are married to people with ADHD, this book is simple to read. It makes their lives normal and validates what they go through. If your partner is impulsive, doesn’t listen to you, is all over the place all the time, and makes you angry, read this book. For many of my clients, it is a big deal.” She is a psychologist in North Bethesda, Maryland.

 “Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment” by Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks

“A lot of the individuals and partnerships that come into my office find themselves repeating patterns and struggling with harmful belief systems. They’re caught in harmful and unconscious power struggles and believe they can keep agreements that are unrealistic (but maybe feel romantic). These couples have a lot of confusion around boundaries, intention and individuality vs. separateness. This book is practical, accessible, easy to relate to and apply, and provides clear examples to explain patterns and see the ways in which we all bring our projections to our relationships.” — Jesse Kahn, the director and therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City

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