When you try to make other people happy or seek approval from them, you’re “people-pleasing.” People-pleasers often go out of their way to make someone happy, even if it means taking away their own time or money. It can be hard for people pleasers to act the way they do because of their insecurities and lack of self-esteem. If you want to stop being a people pleaser, it’s good to know that you can learn how.
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People like you because they know you’ll do anything for them. When someone asks you to do something, you keep doing it even though you don’t want to. As soon as you say no to a request, you feel bad about it. There is a risk to being a people-pleaser no matter what. It can make you feel emotionally drained, stressed, and burned out all at once.
When you try to please everyone, it’s hard to say no to people, so it’s not easy to stop being a people pleaser. There is some evidence that disagreement makes your cognitive dissonance worse. This is when your values don’t line up with the actions you want to take.
It can help you understand what a pleaser personality is, why people-pleasing is bad, and how to stop being a people-pleaser while still being nice. Here are some books you might want to read.
Top Books That Will Help You Stop Being A People Pleaser
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
Author:Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Henry talks more about how to set boundaries. Clear boundaries are important for a healthy, balanced way of life. When we own something, we have a boundary. This is a line that shows us what we are responsible for. We are who we are because of the things that keep us from being who we aren’t. Boundaries have an effect on every part of our lives: Physical boundaries help us figure out who can touch us and when, and how. This helps us have our own thoughts and opinions, and it also helps us deal with our own emotions and not be controlled by others’ emotions.
The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome
Author: Harriet B. Braiker
There are people who have the Disease to Please, and this message is for them. Then there are people who say “Yes” when they want to say “No.” Dr. Harriet Braiker gives clear, positive, practical, and easy-to-follow steps for getting better.
Start by taking a simple quiz to find out what kind of person you are. Then, learn how even small changes you make to any part of the Disease to Please Triangle – your thoughts, feelings, and behavior – can make a big, positive, and long-lasting difference to the whole thing.
Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty… And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself.
Author: Dr. Aziz Gazipura
Dr. Aziz Gazipura takes a close look at the idea of being nice. Dr. Aziz is known for his unique way of telling stories, laughing, and being vulnerable. These things help him cut through the nice conditioning and let you be the boldest, most expressive, and truest version of yourself. Find out how to say “no” when you want to and need to, ask for what you want, speak up more freely in all your relationships, and stop feeling guilty, anxious, or worried about what other people think.
When It’s Never About You: The People-Pleaser’s Guide to Reclaiming Your Health, Happiness and Personal Freedom.
Author: Ilene S. Cohen Ph.D.
Doctor Ilene has written an easy-to-read and practical guide for anyone who wants to take charge of their own life and stop feeling guilty or tired about pleasing others. Her job is to help people understand how family systems work and how they can think about their own roles in their families and close relationships.
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.
Author: Melody Beattie
She talks about codependency, which is when you try to control or change someone who makes a lot of trouble for themselves and other people, and who usually manipulates and controls other people as well. The problem is often caused by an addiction or depression or both, and the best way to deal with it is to work extra hard to make sure everyone’s boundaries are clear, keep everyone’s responsibilities separate, and become obsessive about looking out for one’s own interests in the face of pressure to do otherwise.
Anxious to Please
Author: James Rapson and Craig English
Anxious to Please reveals the main psychological cause of Chronic Niceness-Anxious Attachment: Anxious to Please. It goes even further to show you how to do seven powerful things that will help you have a strong sense of self-worth, a happier and calmer emotional life, a realistic sense of optimism for the future, fulfilling sex, and happy relationships. Why do you have people-pleasing habits? And what can you do to stop? This book answers these questions and more in a simple way. It will help you think about yourself, and when you know yourself better, you’ll be able to have self-compassion and also be able to understand people in your life.
Stop People Pleasing: Be Assertive, Stop Caring What Others Think, Beat Your Guilt, & Stop Being a Pushover (Be Confident and Fearless Book 1).
Author: Patrick King
People should be stopped. Pleasing is an honest look at people-pleasing habits. It talks about where they come from, how they show up, and what to do about them. Most importantly, the book talks about real, practical ways to change your relationship with yourself and others. The author is a former people-pleaser, so you can be sure that he or she understands what you’re going through and has tried to change. Finally, you will learn why you want to be liked so much and how to set healthy rules for yourself.
When Pleasing You Is Killing Me (1)
Author: Dr. Les Carter
Assertiveness skills, stopping unnecessary defensiveness, and letting go of false guilt are some of the ways real-life pleasers set boundaries in their relationships. Readers will be inspired to set their own pace in life, rather than letting the controller set the pace for everyone else.
Love and art of saying No: Journey Out of Co-Dependence, People-Pleasing, And Over-Commitment
Author: Amy Susanna Copeland
In this book, the author tells her story, explains what she has learned, and gives the reader a chance to “Practice Your Art” through reflection and encouragement. It might be time for you to learn that sometimes saying “no” is the most loving thing you can do.
People Pleaser’s Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself
Author: Mike Bechtle
As a doctor, Dr. Mike Bechtle helps people stop letting their fears of rejection or criticism drive them and start rebuilding their sense of self-worth from the inside out. Then, you’ll see that what you thought was a struggle is one of your most important skills.